Well, today I started pulling all my stuff together to haul back to Durango...then on to Denver for delivery to my son Bryant. My Uncle Larry had quite a collection of electronic equipment for his DJ hobby and now Bryant is going to inherit a good deal of it.
Bryant has a family now, beautiful Janelle and cute-as-a-button growing toddler Evan, (is 3 years old considered a toddler?) and almost one year old Styles. Anyway... Bryant expressed interest in his Uncle's amps, speakers, keyboards and such to carry on his hobby of creating his own music. Bryant has a talent for words set to beat, otherwise known as um, er, rap... And it's pretty good too for a guy of the Caucasian persuasion. Eminem he's not as he chooses to omit most curse words and unseemly themes, focusing on social topics of interest to him. His work impresses me as does his ability to put words together spontaneously. He always could talk a good game.
Now the car and trailer are mostly packed, thanks to Cindi V who not only has loaned me her styl'n PT Cruiser, but also a trailer converted from a truck bed with packing work included. I'm telling you that girl knows how to get things done. Everything fit together like a puzzle piece under Cindi's calculated manipulations. Did I mention that the matching trailer does well drawing double takes when driving through the neighborhood? You have to be there.
So, even though it's comfortable and warm here in SoCal; even though I'll be leaving good friends and family members; in spite of leaving my Mom and the many more things that need doing in and around her house, I'll be extremely happy to be on the road back home. It's been just three months here in San Bernardino, California - during the best (and only) time to VISIT and now I am SO ready to don skis and shovel some snow in my favorite place to be, Durango.
It'll be a short stay though, long enough to give Victor the requested haircut, unload a few things and on to the next leg of the trip... Honey, get out the scissors ~ I'll be right there!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Remembering DeeDee
A very fine rooster he was.
My DeeDee is gone. This morning I called my husband for a semi-regular update on how things were going at home in Durango, Colorado. He let me run on about the mundane details of staying with my Mom, plans for coming home and what I'd be doing that day and when I finally eased up to take a breath, he stated softly, "I have some bad news."
"DeeDee is dead," he quietly said. "Another bobcat came. DeeDee died defending his hens. His fight gave them time to scatter. La Pau wouldn't stop carrying on..."
How can I explain my sadness at losing a chicken? I've talked about DeeDee with all my friends; how he responded to us humans and to me when I'd ask him if he wanted a tortilla; his trip to the fair and the comments he received: "He's big!" What a pretty rooster" "Did you know he's blind in one eye?" I think I've bored more than one or two friends with stories of our chickens; in particular, DeeDee's birth story of when my husband Victor, saved him by helping him peel away his shell when he struggled to come out of the very last egg to hatch; and how he taped his tiny feet with blue painter's tape to straighten them, fit him into a little sling so he could eat, and then...finally putting him into the bin with all the other chicks.
We watched over him to be sure he was ok...he tipped to one side and would trip precariously around the tub bumping into the others, falling, scrambling up with a flutter and doing it over and over again. We identified him as "the drunk driver" because of his stumbling around but he grew up, developed beautifully and ultimately became one of the group we called "the survivors." This would have been his 4th year as a free range and blissfully happy rooster.
Dare I go on about this fowl friend? I do, because even now I am overwhelmed with sadness. There is something about a creature so mundane...so unimportant...so absolutely replaceable, that made this particular creature irreplaceable. I wish I could explain what he did for me during a very difficult time. It was this rooster that I would share my spare moments with...Victor and I would stop all our busyness and just observe chicken behavior... he was kind to the hens and he was a good lookout, he shared what food he found with them, calling them over... he made us laugh and provided priceless entertainment... I just loved this silly, beautiful rooster more than a person should. Victor told me over and over..."he's a chicken," "you don't make pets of an animal that we're going to eat," and finally, "I guess we're going to have an old folks home for chickens here."
I never could have eaten DeeDee and Victor was right, we would have an old chicken farm if not for the copious amounts of snow that bring predators to our doorstep looking for a meal and prey on defenseless chickens. The bobcat is dead now - he was skinny and probably very hungry... this is when the bobcats have come in the past...losing chickens is not unusual, but this time and this chicken... it's different and sad.
La Pau, one of his hens is the last of the original survivors... she had been the best layer even now in the cold, frigid winter...now, we don't know. La Pau and DeeDee hatched and grew up together... she saw his blue taped feet, she followed him everywhere. How will this little hen carry on... they really were attached to each other.
Victor says we can get a new batch of hens and a rooster come spring...but you know, it's not the same...ever. You grow attached to something and that's it. You can't explain it...you just feel it and your heart breaks when it ends. Here where we live, we aren't allowed indoor pets - no cats, no dogs... but the chickens outside are ok... and they became more important to me than I would have believed... especially my DeeDee.
My DeeDee is gone. This morning I called my husband for a semi-regular update on how things were going at home in Durango, Colorado. He let me run on about the mundane details of staying with my Mom, plans for coming home and what I'd be doing that day and when I finally eased up to take a breath, he stated softly, "I have some bad news."
"DeeDee is dead," he quietly said. "Another bobcat came. DeeDee died defending his hens. His fight gave them time to scatter. La Pau wouldn't stop carrying on..."
How can I explain my sadness at losing a chicken? I've talked about DeeDee with all my friends; how he responded to us humans and to me when I'd ask him if he wanted a tortilla; his trip to the fair and the comments he received: "He's big!" What a pretty rooster" "Did you know he's blind in one eye?" I think I've bored more than one or two friends with stories of our chickens; in particular, DeeDee's birth story of when my husband Victor, saved him by helping him peel away his shell when he struggled to come out of the very last egg to hatch; and how he taped his tiny feet with blue painter's tape to straighten them, fit him into a little sling so he could eat, and then...finally putting him into the bin with all the other chicks.
We watched over him to be sure he was ok...he tipped to one side and would trip precariously around the tub bumping into the others, falling, scrambling up with a flutter and doing it over and over again. We identified him as "the drunk driver" because of his stumbling around but he grew up, developed beautifully and ultimately became one of the group we called "the survivors." This would have been his 4th year as a free range and blissfully happy rooster.
Dare I go on about this fowl friend? I do, because even now I am overwhelmed with sadness. There is something about a creature so mundane...so unimportant...so absolutely replaceable, that made this particular creature irreplaceable. I wish I could explain what he did for me during a very difficult time. It was this rooster that I would share my spare moments with...Victor and I would stop all our busyness and just observe chicken behavior... he was kind to the hens and he was a good lookout, he shared what food he found with them, calling them over... he made us laugh and provided priceless entertainment... I just loved this silly, beautiful rooster more than a person should. Victor told me over and over..."he's a chicken," "you don't make pets of an animal that we're going to eat," and finally, "I guess we're going to have an old folks home for chickens here."
I never could have eaten DeeDee and Victor was right, we would have an old chicken farm if not for the copious amounts of snow that bring predators to our doorstep looking for a meal and prey on defenseless chickens. The bobcat is dead now - he was skinny and probably very hungry... this is when the bobcats have come in the past...losing chickens is not unusual, but this time and this chicken... it's different and sad.
La Pau, one of his hens is the last of the original survivors... she had been the best layer even now in the cold, frigid winter...now, we don't know. La Pau and DeeDee hatched and grew up together... she saw his blue taped feet, she followed him everywhere. How will this little hen carry on... they really were attached to each other.
Victor says we can get a new batch of hens and a rooster come spring...but you know, it's not the same...ever. You grow attached to something and that's it. You can't explain it...you just feel it and your heart breaks when it ends. Here where we live, we aren't allowed indoor pets - no cats, no dogs... but the chickens outside are ok... and they became more important to me than I would have believed... especially my DeeDee.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Persimmons, Avocados & Ripe Navels
Persimmons
A little known delicacy awaits you...
The last of the holiday persimmons gleaned from the trees around town are in the dehydrator. Persimmons are a very sweet fruit and when they are dried, they taste like they've been dipped in sugar. There is such an abundance of fruit on trees that no one seems to care about...but,I don't have a problem knocking on doors to ask if they will be using their fruit, selling it or sharing it...with me! I haven't been turned away yet.
Avocados
There is a grove not far from my Mom's doorstep where the fruit is left to rot and fall on the ground...
About a month ago, my nephew Sam and I were hiking up to Fisher's Cave, an old horizontal well that we often hiked to as kids, when the new owner of the property we had to cross came upon us. He was amiable enough, told us we were actually on his land and that he had problems with people breaking his pipelines that irrigated his groves. He didn't order us off but I apologized and we turned around. The old trail had shifted anyway and there wasn't an easy way to get through the tangled growth full of poison oak and thirsty bees.
We had been perched on an rock outcrop when we heard his approach and I was nervous when I saw him with two large German Shepherds, one black the other white, and him wearing black gloves (for what, I wondered). I felt a bit anxious that he had followed us (we'd never been chased off before), and told my nephew to keep still... we were in full view of him if he had just thought to look up - which he only did when I called out an apprehensive "hello - up here" to him.
As we made our way back down we met up with him again and he told us how to find our way easily off his property via the avocado grove, but inviting us to take some fruit with us as we passed through. I had asked him if he harvested them and he told us it wasn't worth it to him. The cost of harvesting couldn't be recouped by selling them so they just fell on the ground and rotted.
I didn't think at the time to ask him if we could come back and harvest and sell them for him then... and later on, a client of my arborist brother offered all the avocados we'd like. Now, I am thinking to visit the man in the avocado grove to see if he would allow some local gleaners to save and share with others, a valuable resource to be made into awesome guacamole!
Ripe Navels
It's time to harvest the navels!
I'm not talking bellybuttons here. Sweet, straight-off-the-tree navel oranges are ready to slurp down. My Mother's tree is not loaded this year like in years past, but there are still plenty to pick. If we run out, the Valencias are close behind, due to ripen in March and there's always the tangerine tree transplanted from my Grandmother's yard - 100 years old or more (the tree, not my grandmother who has gone on to greener groves).
Living in a cold climate where citrus can't grow (except inside), it is such a treat to once again, be able to harvest fruit in the backyard instead of from a market or even from the local growers. It's an amazing thing to grow, harvest and eat your own food... and a shame that we have moved so far from the regular practice of it. Now you hear about "buying local", and the return to planting more sustainably... what a concept. It's always been here...we just got lazy and now we are cycling back around out of need. It's about time!
A little known delicacy awaits you...
 |
| Perfect persimmons |
The last of the holiday persimmons gleaned from the trees around town are in the dehydrator. Persimmons are a very sweet fruit and when they are dried, they taste like they've been dipped in sugar. There is such an abundance of fruit on trees that no one seems to care about...but,I don't have a problem knocking on doors to ask if they will be using their fruit, selling it or sharing it...with me! I haven't been turned away yet.
Avocados
There is a grove not far from my Mom's doorstep where the fruit is left to rot and fall on the ground...
About a month ago, my nephew Sam and I were hiking up to Fisher's Cave, an old horizontal well that we often hiked to as kids, when the new owner of the property we had to cross came upon us. He was amiable enough, told us we were actually on his land and that he had problems with people breaking his pipelines that irrigated his groves. He didn't order us off but I apologized and we turned around. The old trail had shifted anyway and there wasn't an easy way to get through the tangled growth full of poison oak and thirsty bees.
 |
| Awesome avocados |
As we made our way back down we met up with him again and he told us how to find our way easily off his property via the avocado grove, but inviting us to take some fruit with us as we passed through. I had asked him if he harvested them and he told us it wasn't worth it to him. The cost of harvesting couldn't be recouped by selling them so they just fell on the ground and rotted.
I didn't think at the time to ask him if we could come back and harvest and sell them for him then... and later on, a client of my arborist brother offered all the avocados we'd like. Now, I am thinking to visit the man in the avocado grove to see if he would allow some local gleaners to save and share with others, a valuable resource to be made into awesome guacamole!
Ripe Navels
It's time to harvest the navels!
 |
| Juicy navels |
Living in a cold climate where citrus can't grow (except inside), it is such a treat to once again, be able to harvest fruit in the backyard instead of from a market or even from the local growers. It's an amazing thing to grow, harvest and eat your own food... and a shame that we have moved so far from the regular practice of it. Now you hear about "buying local", and the return to planting more sustainably... what a concept. It's always been here...we just got lazy and now we are cycling back around out of need. It's about time!
Monday, January 11, 2010
January 12, 2010 - It is January
Amazingly warm wonderful weather in the northend of San Bernardino. Narcissus alert as fragrance can be potent. Navel oranges are ready for harvest and tangerines are following quickly in their sweetness. Avocados, kumquats, and many other citrus are ripe for the picking. Rain is forecast for tomorrow afternoon clearing tomorrow night. Highs in the 70's. A slight chance of a breeze possible to keep any smog particles out of the valley. It's January.
With such a lovely day what could be better than to start with a morning walk with a friend? For me, we stroll a different neighborhood and it's evolving landscape courtesy of the ever-expanding San Manuel Casinos. What is this? Walking, talking in warm air, having breakfast and chatting? This was unheard of a few months ago in my life. I cannot express the absolute joy of this morning... thank you Barbara R for a great start to this day.
I want to mention another very exciting part of my morning - the neighborhood birds decided to bathe in the small backyard tub I placed under the dripping faucet. It was fun! It was exciting! I was entranced by their show; their tiny feet gripping the edge of the tub, balancing on the edge like olympic divers and then executing a perfect dip forward to fling water over their fuzzy featherheads and under their wingpits. A flurry of fluttering wings and feathers, chirping and squawking, I'm telling you... I couldn't have imagined a more perfect morning!
I won't bore you with the rest of the day since I did manage to get some work in BUT, the opportunity arose to sample a delicious hybrid of fruit - a cross with a grapefruit and a tangelo... an absolute delight picked straight from the tree, sectioned and handed to me on a glass plate. I felt a bit of a queen it was so delicious! These small things that happen now... that didn't or couldn't before I made a break for it... these pieces all add up to happiness. This is what I need. This is what I seek. This is what I have found since allowing those moments the opportunity to be. Yay!
With such a lovely day what could be better than to start with a morning walk with a friend? For me, we stroll a different neighborhood and it's evolving landscape courtesy of the ever-expanding San Manuel Casinos. What is this? Walking, talking in warm air, having breakfast and chatting? This was unheard of a few months ago in my life. I cannot express the absolute joy of this morning... thank you Barbara R for a great start to this day.
I want to mention another very exciting part of my morning - the neighborhood birds decided to bathe in the small backyard tub I placed under the dripping faucet. It was fun! It was exciting! I was entranced by their show; their tiny feet gripping the edge of the tub, balancing on the edge like olympic divers and then executing a perfect dip forward to fling water over their fuzzy featherheads and under their wingpits. A flurry of fluttering wings and feathers, chirping and squawking, I'm telling you... I couldn't have imagined a more perfect morning!
I won't bore you with the rest of the day since I did manage to get some work in BUT, the opportunity arose to sample a delicious hybrid of fruit - a cross with a grapefruit and a tangelo... an absolute delight picked straight from the tree, sectioned and handed to me on a glass plate. I felt a bit of a queen it was so delicious! These small things that happen now... that didn't or couldn't before I made a break for it... these pieces all add up to happiness. This is what I need. This is what I seek. This is what I have found since allowing those moments the opportunity to be. Yay!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
January 10, 2010 - Banning, CA
My Uncle Larry died recently - and those that could, met at his home today to help clear out his things. Since I don't have much time right now to write everything I'd like to both about the day and my uncle, let me just say that you come to realize some important things when you go through someone you cared for's things; photos, gadgets, notes that were left, music instruments, records...stuff, but most of all, I think it was the condition in which he lived... very much alone-which was quite evident.
My uncle was not an alone-type person. He like to be around people, making them laugh and playing his music for them. He enjoyed talking and sharing his views on life and telling funny stories. He appreciated his family connections and wanted to share them with his kin. In the last few years he had taken an interest in laminating copies of old family photos and giving them as gifts at Christmas and throughout the year.
My uncle was alone in his sadness, in his progressively poor health and in his increasingly strong opinions... which to his credit, were often tempered with humor. Who but Uncle Larry would take the time to put laminated notes on his IV pole stating "Jack Daniels" on one arm of the pole and "the strongest white lightening" on the other? Of course he had friends and family that loved him but they were scattered here and there and then he was retired from the United States Postal Service after three or more decades - a large network of friends there.
So, I'm slowly processing the day, my Uncle Larry, my Uncle Larry's dying and now, the removal of all his things...
To be continued...
My uncle was not an alone-type person. He like to be around people, making them laugh and playing his music for them. He enjoyed talking and sharing his views on life and telling funny stories. He appreciated his family connections and wanted to share them with his kin. In the last few years he had taken an interest in laminating copies of old family photos and giving them as gifts at Christmas and throughout the year.
My uncle was alone in his sadness, in his progressively poor health and in his increasingly strong opinions... which to his credit, were often tempered with humor. Who but Uncle Larry would take the time to put laminated notes on his IV pole stating "Jack Daniels" on one arm of the pole and "the strongest white lightening" on the other? Of course he had friends and family that loved him but they were scattered here and there and then he was retired from the United States Postal Service after three or more decades - a large network of friends there.
So, I'm slowly processing the day, my Uncle Larry, my Uncle Larry's dying and now, the removal of all his things...
To be continued...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
January 7, 2010 - Perfect Weather Today
What a beautiful day in Southern California it has been - clear skies, sandals and shorts, calm skies...perfection. Durango, on the other hand is cold. I keep saying that I miss that cold (I do, I really do) but here I remain... at least for another day.
It's not the perfect weather that holds me here; it's Mom... and the need to regroup to find that balance; to soak in sounds and sun; to be a part of living and noticing and breathing and laughing and taking time to listen without feeling rushed. Space has given me freedom to think and create...well, sort of. That's still working it's way out through fingers, feet, hair follicles and such... Ok, the route's a bit twisted right now.
Today: time well spent taking a walk with my friend Cheryl who is leaving early tomorrow morning. Her courage is evident as is her sadness, but this step is her salvation and her joy will return...yes it will! I will miss her and pray for her safe travels. Joining Mom and Janet at the Senior Center for brain power class was, uh, educational and we played games! Who doesn't love to play games? And later, meeting up with my beautiful cousin Barbara for a "healthy" meal and catch up conversation. Not only has my adventurous 'cuz' inspired me to begin this blog, but also to get rid of the accumulating flubflab that I can no longer carry around like an outer tube. So... here it goes... 5 pounds lighter by Super Bowl Sunday. (Good thing no one reads this).
And then suddenly... gunshots! dogs barking and the helicopter is buzzing overhead. Just another night in the north end of San Bernardino... but the weather is still perfect.
It's not the perfect weather that holds me here; it's Mom... and the need to regroup to find that balance; to soak in sounds and sun; to be a part of living and noticing and breathing and laughing and taking time to listen without feeling rushed. Space has given me freedom to think and create...well, sort of. That's still working it's way out through fingers, feet, hair follicles and such... Ok, the route's a bit twisted right now.
Today: time well spent taking a walk with my friend Cheryl who is leaving early tomorrow morning. Her courage is evident as is her sadness, but this step is her salvation and her joy will return...yes it will! I will miss her and pray for her safe travels. Joining Mom and Janet at the Senior Center for brain power class was, uh, educational and we played games! Who doesn't love to play games? And later, meeting up with my beautiful cousin Barbara for a "healthy" meal and catch up conversation. Not only has my adventurous 'cuz' inspired me to begin this blog, but also to get rid of the accumulating flubflab that I can no longer carry around like an outer tube. So... here it goes... 5 pounds lighter by Super Bowl Sunday. (Good thing no one reads this).
And then suddenly... gunshots! dogs barking and the helicopter is buzzing overhead. Just another night in the north end of San Bernardino... but the weather is still perfect.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
January 6, 2010
That's why it's Not So Daily folks. I write in spurts. Actually, I do everything in spurts, and the stars must be aligned just right; and there can't be a crazy feeling overwhelming me or ANY melancholy or action will grind to a depressing halt.
Today was one of those days. Wake up, groan, shuffle slowly to the bathroom, avoid the mirror, shuffle back to bed, start up the computer and WAIT! it's not working! Panic sets in... call Zack (an absolute angel of a man who has the patience of Buddha) who calmly gives directions on the remedy. This guy is special... I mean - he fixes computers and in doing so, he makes the world right at that moment for many, many people. Thank you Zack - computer wizard and gentle soul... I'm hundreds of miles away, haven't spoken in several months and he is there to help and calm... calm...calm...
That's the start and it went down from there... and then up! I just love putting away Christmas stuff...especially the lights. So life is good as they like to say in Durango, only - I'm not in Durango so now what?
Today was one of those days. Wake up, groan, shuffle slowly to the bathroom, avoid the mirror, shuffle back to bed, start up the computer and WAIT! it's not working! Panic sets in... call Zack (an absolute angel of a man who has the patience of Buddha) who calmly gives directions on the remedy. This guy is special... I mean - he fixes computers and in doing so, he makes the world right at that moment for many, many people. Thank you Zack - computer wizard and gentle soul... I'm hundreds of miles away, haven't spoken in several months and he is there to help and calm... calm...calm...
That's the start and it went down from there... and then up! I just love putting away Christmas stuff...especially the lights. So life is good as they like to say in Durango, only - I'm not in Durango so now what?
December 29, 2009 - Tick Tock
The constant hum of machinery is an attack on my sensibilities. I seemed to have developed a need for quiet sounds, natural noise like bird twitterings, wind howling through trees and rushing water – but right now there is the distracting hum and grind of the day laborers chipping brush several homes up the street or the constant wailing of sirens in this Californian 'burb as well as the blow of the heater unit in my mother’s house which is terminally on. Other times it’s just the ticking of clocks, but they are located in just about every room, reminding me that life is short and I'm unemployed and I better get busy...with each reliable tick, I am advancing toward lunacy!
December 15, 2009 - Slow Down
The Slow Down is measured not with waning quickness or lackluster tempo but with quiet observation even snatched between those desperately hasty movings where one believes there is meaning in their work... but yet, our "work" pulls from us our souls and the very joy of living... so how is it, that in the midst of turmoil one finds a solid piece of laughter that cannot be lifted away... or a way to see through the mist of the human inferno?
The Slow Down comes upon us with soft breath, deep breath, acute listening, savoring each flavorful aware moment... do not discuss; do not decide; do not initiate; do not do.
The Slow Down comes upon us with soft breath, deep breath, acute listening, savoring each flavorful aware moment... do not discuss; do not decide; do not initiate; do not do.
December 8, 2009
I watch the coffee klatch of cats that meet up every morning in my mother’s backyard - touching noses, exchanging gossip and drinking at the crock. They loll in the tall grass for a moment pretending disinterest in the variety of activities offered - aerobic workouts courtesy of grasshoppers, lizards and abundant bird life - the culinary joy of it, and even the strangeness of the humans who inhabit the big house. They come early, congregate and mingle and are off to the business of the day, which I am told, is sitting in front of windows, observing the rest of the world.
December 6, 2009
Staying with my mother is not all home-cooked meals and warm fuzzy reminiscing… unless you enjoy many repetitions of one's childhood memories and chewy burgers are delicious. Mom and I are finding our way through this with each other now… it has never been easy between us… not with constant mothering and my rebellious impatience that has only slightly mellowed.
One thing i really love about Mom is her stubborn independence... she gave that to me and now she is fiercely holding onto it. We do not have that perfect ease with one another but we both would like to... how to get there remains to be seen.
One thing i really love about Mom is her stubborn independence... she gave that to me and now she is fiercely holding onto it. We do not have that perfect ease with one another but we both would like to... how to get there remains to be seen.
December 2, 2009
The night sky is not a mystery...it offers an intense beauty to us below who dream of a larger place then most of us fathom. so captured are we within this small space in our minds that we resist...and fight to keep things safe around us, denying what we must know to be...we are not alone...we never have been.
I have left my work to spend time with my Mom who forgets things. It has been several weeks that I have been gone from my home in Durango, Colorado. I miss being there. This is both a terrible and wonderful transition in that I am, by most standards unemployed, and wonderful... because I am unemployed. I have dropped out easily from that world of schedules and tightly wound people...but I miss the purpose and those that at least appear balanced. I was not balanced at all. Now, I spend more of that schedule looking around and taking breaths; observing and looking up at the stars, thinking, reading and listening to old friends... and taking in how incredibly fortunate I am to be able to just breathe for a time.
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