The holidays have come and gone. Mom's memorial services too. I find that it's hard for me to write about her...to think too hard about the recent past. I simply need to turn away from the ache in my heart and fill it with as much gratitude as I possibly can; filled with the many memories of my childhood and how my mom supported me and my siblings
My Mom was quite pretty. She must have known that she was attractive, but I never saw her act vain really. In fact, one day just a few months ago, she had just been washing her face and after looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, she exclaimed to me "I just want a new face!" That comment alarmed me. I had never heard her say anything quite like it before. Now that she had reached a certain maturity, she felt frustrated by age I suppose and how she thought it made her look.
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| Jean Troise, Jojo's mom |
My dear friend Jojo's sweet mother, Jean, who is 90 years young, always complimented Mom. They would see each other at the AARP ballroom dances on Saturday mornings and Jean would say that Mom was constantly out on the floor dancing with all the guys, that she looked so beautiful and was popular (well, so is Jean!). When she heard that Mom had passed on, she cried; and cried again at the next dance knowing that she wouldn't see her at the dances again.
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| My sister Janet and me |
My sister Janet often went with Mom to the dances and while she wasn't much for dancing, she did enjoy seeing Mom doing something she loved and she made sure that Mom made it to as many of them as possible. I must give credit to granddaughter Rebekah who asked her grandmother during her visit last November, what it was that she enjoyed doing. Her grandmother told her about the dances that she used to attend before she was married, and Bekah passed that on to us and we started looking for someplace that she could engage in this activity. Thanks to Bekah, her grandmother was again doing something she loved to do, but wouldn't have done if not for us "guiding" her in that direction. The last dance that she attended, she went on her own, dressed in the cutest gauzy skirt and matching blouse, fall colors and pretty little coral earrings. I actually helped her with her make up that day and she went confidently out the door. Little did either of us know, that would be her last dance. She often returned and would tell us about how much she danced, that she never sat down and that even Janet got up and danced once. It was an activity that brought her much joy... so thank you Bekah for discovering your grandma's hidden desire and to Janet that prompted her to get up and go dance!
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| Bekah's breakfast with her Grandma |
I miss my Mom. I thought about calling her again today. It's what I did since I moved to Colorado fourteen years ago. Sometimes I would go for several weeks without talking to her and she would tell my sister Janet or brother Paul, that "Nadine must be too busy." I think back on this and other times when I didn't really act like I appreciated my Mom. We bumped heads over small things...or rather, I dug my front legs in like a stubborn burro at the least little uninvited words of advice. At 35 years old, I didn't want my Mom asking me if I'd brushed my teeth yet; at 40 I didn't want her pointing out that my hair was "stringing down into my eyes"... or calling my friends looking for me. What I didn't understand was that my Mom was a mother to her core. She gave up her dreams and aspirations to be the best mother she could be. At one time, she was on her way to an art education ~ and then later, thought about a career in fashion art. I thought that Mom must have been disappointed that she never fullfilled those dreams, but she wasn't. Her dream changed to one of family. Mom became fully committed to raising her children and lovingly supporting her husband with no looking back.
Mom... in her soft voice asking "what would I do without my family" was strong in her love for God and her family...to the end of her life here on earth
Next... more on Mom, but more light hearted!
